A new beginning

You know the most important thing in the world is ‘Family’ and their ‘love’ . If you have this then you are blessed. You feel like you have everything. There’s not a single day I don’t feel like this. By the grace of God, I have the loveliest family, aunties and cousins. My parents give me anything and everything I want (though we are just a normal middle class family). They still provide for me though I am in my 20s. In return I try and be a good girl, do not do things they may not approve of.

But it’s time for change in my attitude towards life. I need it because though everything is good on the family front, I haven’t been doing well academically and have been depressed these few years.

Regarding family I’ve always felt blessed. I get what I want without much objection (most of the time) and I’ve so many people in my life who love and care for me and vice versa. Probably that is why I am content and confident for an overweight and an average girl. I am comfortable with who I am and where I come from. My mom is the source of my unwarranted confidence (she’s amazing!!!!)… On a side note, my much junior room mate says it’s nothing especial for families and moms to be great. It’s meant to be that way. A safe haven in this crazy world.

As I was saying these past years I’ve come to be a non-achiever; someone without ambition and drive just breathing, eating, sleeping, dreaming not working hard, certainly not living. I’ve become a person who doesn’t know her own mind, who sees things but doesn’t understand, who’s always frightened of one thing or the other; frightened of people, of challenges and even of one’s own dreams. So, it’s time to wake up and turn my life around.

Living my life in mediocrity, hanging in the middle, not being the person I can be, I’ve gotten to a worst place where I hide everyday. Surely, it must be better to feel pain than to not feel anything. Any emotion even if that is the persistent scary one is welcome if it can add meaning and objective to one’s state!

It cannot be helped that life feels nothing but hard and unbearable in situations like these when you are living far away from people you love, in a place you absolutely hate and you cannot escape. You can only run away for so long or sleep for so long. It’s time to live! It’s time to buckle up and suffer and gain from your sufferings. And anyways don’t people say you have all the time in the world to sleep and feel nothing when you are dead?? Falling back to safety means nothingness. And nothingness is nothingness, a life wasted.

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