Why I love imperfections…

I believe we are not supposed to find perfection. It surely is not easy to find!! It‘s like “Nirvana”. And life is more about imperfections. I read this quote somewhere a long time ago “Keep your expectations lower and you will never be disappointed”. At that time I didn’t know what it meant and wondered if that was even possible. We as human beings are greedy creatures; we aim for the highest, want the best…we are optimistic lot. Now I think I am beginning to understand what it means.

Perfection has a way of fizzling out. It disappoints people if and when they find it. All because it comes with expectations and it never turns out exactly like one expected. Imperfection on the other hand is more satisfying… first it is personal and then, it is not something shiny and polished but raw, ordinary and endearing.

They say “Journey is more important than the end”. If life is a journey, then perfection must be the end and nothing after that. But luckily we never do find perfection. It’s the genetic makeup of our species, that we are never satisfied. While striving to be perfect and satisfied, a man turns into a hungry beast…going from one kill to the next and searching for it in things he does; searching, enjoying, discarding…the cycle continues until he realises what he is doing is futile and that he doesn’t need it, the stuff which is like the apple of the garden of eden, a symbol, something to entice you.

I have realised good feelings like bad feelings do not last the way expectations and hope do. Like the time when you get a thing you have always wanted and it loses its appeal after some time. Or how one never forgets that one love who got away. I read a joke about a  married man somewhere saying “I have been in love with the same woman for 25 years. But please do not tell my wife”. How things you find perfect are anticlimactic. Bad things are bad but good things are never enough. Like when you are reading a great book and you are enjoying it but when you are finished with it, you are not satisfied. You are almost there (where you want to be) but you still want something more and you go on to the next. Or when you have had a delicious meal and your stomach is so full but you are missing something… And I do not mean the dessert! You are watching a good movie or a TV show, you are happy while watching it but when it ends you are confused and have that strange feeling and not because it has ended.

The void, the hunger remains! As long as you can feel and think, you are never satisfied! You cannot attain that perfection, bliss or happiness that you imagined on any terms. There is no such state for us ordinary beings. On contrary, good and beautiful things which should make you feel more superior and more happy rarely make a difference.

It must be ying and yang, the pull and the push of things. How we want something and do not want it the next moment. Is it that we are never going to find what we are looking for because it cannot be found? Perhaps that is why it makes sense to watch a movie and leave just before the ending, read a book and not gobble it up and like the imperfections all the way. It is more fulfilling…

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6 thoughts on “Why I love imperfections…

  1. The theme you’re referring to is common among humankind, but especially common among men. Forgive my vast generalizations. Men are hunters by instinct; needing a prey to find fulfillment. Similarly, this is in large part why a man can court and marry a woman (read: hunt and capture) and then get bored when his skills are no longer needed.

    For a healthy relationship (in regard to this one aspect), spouses should actively continue to pursue each other and find ways to “Continue the Hunt” within their relationship. Part of the way this can happen is to be able to maintain their own unique identities apart from each other (because as two become one… we lose ourselves in the other person… and not only in good ways, but in ways that make us less interesting, less whole, and less “someone else”… things that are very much a part of the equation while we are in the dating/courting phase which keeps things interesting)

    Sorry for the spinoff there, but I agree with you, that we do tend to search, find, get bored with, and search all over again. It’s part of our natural instinct. “Perfection” is a myth. Imperfect people strive for it, when it would serve them better to embrace and appreciate their uniquely faulted traits and love others in the same way. Nice post!

    • sierralima says:

      Hey, thank you for sharing your views!! I read my post again after reading your comment. I have a fish’s memory. At times I am in one frame of mind and a certain issue occupies my head space. When I write it down in blogs like this or in a personal journal, it becomes cathertic… And I am able to not think about it anymore. I do not know much about relationships coz I have never been in one myself… But I understand what you are saying. I even think ‘the hunt and capture’ notion could have contributed to my mom’s thinking that a girl should not pursue a boy but it should be the other way round. She told me that a very long time ago. But that is another topic for another day.

      • I love that phrase: a fish’s memory. I have a betta fish who I rely on to remember where I put my keys… so that just goes to show how easily we can create phrases and sayings which marginalize particular subgroups of people… … or at least it would be able to tell me where I’d put my keys if it wasn’t always trying to look threatening when it sees its own reflection… although that’s what reminds me to look on my mirror for my keys, which is how I find them afterall! Good fishy!!

        :p I’m only being ridiculous, I don’t really have a fish. lol ANYWAYS

        I totally vibe with the idea of using a blog like a journal… a word-vomit receptacle. It can be better to inflict these upchuckings onto blogs/journals rather than on a human being initially. It’s nice to not have to hold back the first time you’re throwing things out there… and a person might inadvertently take things you say the wrong way. People are good for round 2, however, if that is necessary.

        I don’t know how old you are, but it’s good to listen to your mom. I would say that it is sound advice, generally speaking, to let a guy pursue. She might be saying that simply because it is the “traditional way”… which is of less value, in my mind… or, a better reason I believe for letting the guy pursue you, is that it takes effort from him. If he truly wants you, he’ll put forth effort. If the guy’s willing to work for the things (or people) he cares about, it’s a little clue as to whether he’ll continue to behave that way in the long run. Up to you to determine whether it’s enough to “woo” you. You’ll have to develop a happy medium over the course of your life… you want to have standards and have a decent idea that the gentleman in question has a good work ethic… but then you also don’t want to make your standards too hard for anyone to achieve… or you’ll have to get comfortable with the idea that nobody may reach them. Beyond that, remember that YOU are also hoping to fall in love… and I don’t know about how our ancestors felt, but I don’t think that it’s very romantic having a test for a perspective guy with boxes to check and bubbles to fill in… so you’ll have to figure out what you’re ok with that life’s giving you… and what you’ll need to forcibly take from it. So, what I’m saying is… let the guy make the effort first, and after you’re satisfied, then don’t let him be the only one making effort. Relationships thrive when both parties are concerned with how they can improve the other person’s life. Breakdowns start happening when one or both parties become more concerned with themselves and what they are getting from the other person. Selfishness breaks people up.

        Some of the hardest times in life are when we are being selfless… and our partner is being selfish. It’ll cause us to want to break it off because we’re not getting what we need from them. For relationships to survive, they require us to stay the course and continue to be selfless even while our partner is being selfish; and not to punish them for it! *gasp*

        This is just one of the types of difficult decisions that we have to make for ourselves in life as we walk through it. I hope the best for you and for the decisions you’re bound to make in your life. And no matter what you choose, that you’ll be able to live with it and respect yourself. We’re all worthy of respect, we just need to consistently act like it. 🙂

        Take care, and thanks for following! I’ll return the favor!

      • sierralima says:

        It was nice of you to post such a thoughtful reply. You are wise!!… I don’t know if I processed and took in everything you wrote! Are you a talkative person in real life? I am the silent type….except with very close friends. Then our chatter doesn’t stop. Reading your reply felt like conversing with a friend but on a deeper level… where I am discussing things I normally would not talk about. Anyways, I am well past the age of being in a first relation, but I have no complaints. I do not dwell on these things!! There are so many circumstances determining a person’s situation in life. You cannot control certain things!! I am not a thinker in real life…more of a daydreamer! I am impulsive, I do things and regret rather than not doing ’em at all.

        You gave so many pointers to maintain a good relationship… Right now they are of no use to me but surely, I’ll keep them in mind for the future, for someday when the need arises. You know we dissect and analyse so much in case of relationships. Lately, I find it kind of boring (result of so many friends and people sharing their romantic woes with me)!… Just the other day, someone I was getting to know was telling me that he’d tell me how and why his relationship ended (after our exam finishes which is going on at the time). I told him I’d listen to his story if and when I become a psychiatrist… That way I can help him and get paid too. You see how bored I am of this topic.

        You do not have a betta fish? Just when I was picturing the scene, a pet looking after a person’s keys… I can not own fish/ fishes. I fall in love with ’em and then I have stop eating fish which is the only type of animal protein I eat! And I need omega 3 fatty acid to increase my memory! Another thing, don’t you sometimes feel like there should be a device or a sticker to stick on keys or specs or things which could make incessant noise when you press a button and help us locate ’em?

  2. Haha, sorry for the fish fake-out.

    And btw, that key locator device does exist!!

    http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/sharper-image-key-finder?ID=1717905&pla_country=US&CAGPSPN=pla&CAWELAID=120156340001047981&catargetid=120156340001012201&cadevice=c&cm_mmc=Google_Mens_Shoes_Adchemy_PLA_PLA-_-Men%27s+Shoes+-+Catchall+-+GS_Men%27s+Shoes+-+Catchall-_-51655449632-_-mkwid_Jddn8QVY|dc_51655449632%7C-%7CJddn8QVY

    I am a talkative person in real life. I’m a very open person as well. As far as relationship advice… blurg, my bad. Just know that anything I’m saying about relationships is coming from a place of having effed it up so much… not because I’ve done it right the whole time. :p

    • sierralima says:

      No!… Thank you for caring enough to share from your experience… You must be a good story teller… I enjoyed your story about the fish too…Looking forward to reading your blogs 🙂

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