Unrequited love & agonies in love

Oh the problems of the hearts. I am getting too old for this. But before I forget about this kind of chapter of my life, I wanted to rewind. Today, someone I have never even met reached out to me for my help in his love life and poured his heart out. It was kind of deja vu. But how did he know I was a good listener? Is the wind telling everyone that I can be an agony aunt?… As much as I have found these kind of discussions interesting when I was young, I find it boring now. But maybe it’s karma and you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do. Provide a shoulder to a crying person, in this case lending your ears and a little bit of your mind, being a sounding board that someone so desperately needs.

I will say that the dialogues are always the same. “I will love him/her forever”. “I will not give up”. “If I donot try I will regret for the rest of my life”. “I’ll love him/her forever no matter what”. “I will never find a person as good as him/her”. “He is the only one for me”. “I cannot forget him”… Yada yada yada. These are some of the stuffs I remember hearing or even may have said at one point of time or other. The sad part is that these are the statements uttered after a party has been clearly rejected, when your window of opportunity is blatantly closed on your face. When you should know there is no hope for you now.

I personally think we get into these useless situations and later dissect things, because when you are young you have so many issues you are struggling with and you are constantly looking for assurances. And in some cases like mine, when you are young you are just plain dumb (or you may say naive). In my defense I always say “I come from a village, from the hills, I didn’t know better.” My life story is that I have never been in a relationship but I have crushed hard and fruitlessly (okay, you may say ‘crush’ a ‘mere crush’?) Well, not all of us are lucky okay!… I have mistaken flirtations for love. I have rejected and also have been rejected. And I have had my share of heart to heart sessions with my friends and families sharing my woes. My friends going “Forget it. Someone will be very lucky to have you”. “You will meet someone very special someday”. Or my best friend going “How unfortunate. Your first and it turned out this way!” and then some.

When you are heartbroken, let me tell you nothing works. And I mean nothing, not even the soothing words of your friends. You hear all the words but you do not believe it. The talk will give you an outlet but will not lessen the pain. Only time heals. Yes, Time is the biggest healer, the only cellotape to fix your heart.

That first crush, that first love, that first heart break. After a time you look back and wonder “Was I ever that young?” It hits you the hardest when it’s your first. If only firsts didn’t exist. If only we started with seconds. We could be excellent in our dealings even in matters of hearts. But sadly second comes only after the first, you understand only after you’ve made mistakes. Some people are lucky and find their first love beautiful and memorable while others just get the growing up experience.I remember discovering mills and boons at sixteen and gobbling it up. I have read tons of those. But real life is nothing like that. Then I realised that is why those are called junk books. Suffice it to say that I have done away with those books, you will not find any in my personal library.

Those of us who have suffered agonies in love or in unrequited love around me had one thing in common. It was our first. Some of us were too sensitive, while some were princess of our homes, and hadn’t experienced rejection until that point in life. So, it was extra hard to just deal with it. But because of that we had moments where we laughed and laughed until we cried, at our stupidity and we laughed till our stomaches hurt. We made tons of jokes on ourselves and each other. And we gave each other some useful and helpful and sometimes not so helpful advices. In the end we were optimistic and we made it through.

How did we help each other? I remember we were having a pity party and my friend in her anguish said “He will not be happy in the end”. And I, being the naive person that I am said “No, that is not true, he will be very happy with someone and you will also be very happy with someone else. You will not even remember each other”. In retrospect I think I should have just agreed like a good friend at that time. Actually, I was of little help with my all romantic notions. My friends on the other hand were the best, always offering to beat him up for breaking my heart albeit in jest. They did all my dirty work like hating him for me which I could not do myself.

Now I’ve grown older and am no longer timid. I will definitely not be topsy turvy in love. We (who hope to find someone to love) are taking our chances of our hearts getting broken time and again, however many times it takes to find the right person. We chose not to take the conventional road of arranged marriages where two people put together fall in love after many years just because they are supposed to or just because they have children. If two people are together day in and day out for years, I do think they will come to love one another like my parents, familiarity breeding love! But isn’t it kind of manufactured? The universe didn’t get to play it’s hand!!! 

So, I think it’s okay to not follow the norms of society and be married by 25 or 30, and be married just because people say it’s your age to get married and have babies. How old fashioned is that?? And if you want to be with not the one who loves you (because there are already so many who love you) but with the one you love, then it should be totally upto you. Anyways, I believe in destiny like two people meant to be together will find their way to each other. Love shouldn’t be hard, it should be easy, and even if there are obstacles, if it’s meant to be you will be given means to overcome the hurdles. Yes, I am a little romantic. Unfortunately, those mills and boons did do their damage.

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